Life and Beyond

सन्धर्भ माया को, माया सब्द सुन्न साथ नै हामी माया मा डुब्न तल्लिन हुन्छम।  सायद सब्द नै त्यतै होला जसले बार बार आफु तिर हामीलाई तानी रहेको हुन्छ। यो दुइ अच्छेर ले बनेको सब्द को  मूल्य सायद हामी मद्धे कमै ले मात्र बुझेका छौ होला। यो सब्द पटक पटक प्रगोग मा आउछ र हामी यो सबलाई पटक पटक बदनाम पनि गरि रहेका हुन्छम । तर माया भनेको क हो ? के त्यो बदनाम भएरहेको सब्द नै माया हो ? सायद माया सब्द सुन्न साथ हामी मद्धे  धेरै को मानसपटल मा आफ्नो आमा ,बुवा, परिवार, साथी र आफ्नो प्रेमी को चित्र कोरियो होला। तर चित्र कोरियो भन्दै  मा त्यो माया नै हो ? माया के हो?  के त्यो कहिले कसैले बुझेको छ ?  सबै को लागि माया को परिभासा बेग्लै हुन्छ। कतिले साथ लै माया को परिभासा मा समाबेश गर्छन भने कति ले आफ्नो पन लै।  तर दुवै जना को माया को अन्तिम अर्थ भने एउतै नै हो। प्रेमी संग चद्दिक आवास पनि माया हो र आमा ले हानेको दुइ लौरो पनि माया नै हो।  घर मा दादा ले बेला बेला किच किच गर्नु पनि माया नै हो र , साथी ले ठट्टा गर्नु पनि माया नै हो। आमा को निस्वार्थ पन पनि माया नै हो र बुवा को बलिदान पनि माया नै हो। माया को संदर्व

  THE VOICE OF ALL NITYAS OUT THERE !!   The human Dairy, Writing is not definitely my cup of tea. Might sound like an irony when I say so, as I usually write a lot. But writing a dairy and letting my heart out are ways apart to me. Still might be pathetic to say, but writing a diary and writing something my heart out are somehow similar. But the crave for a friend when you badly need one is different. The crave for the understanding is different. The crave for feeling myself at times is different. I am definitely a master of doing all the shitty businesses. But still has no shame and blames her vehemence time and again. That’s exactly how we all are. Feels tiring, but I don’t really wish to do so. But I still do that. If you ask me why? I don’t know. But the fear of being alone definitely sucks. Do I feel guilty about doing the things i have done so far? Yes, I definitely do. But Do I regret it as much as I should? Not, really. I would have regretted it if it was intention

To all the boys i have loved before Just like lara Jeans in the movie, I fell in love with you. Not once , not twice but every single time see you. You are not just the boy i had loved before You are the boy i will be loving my entire life May be it's just a lie As I have been telling this,  to all the boys i have loved before The Lara Jeans in me, Is what that drags me away from you very single time. I ran away, showed you every thing that i was not Still got Peter like acceptance to a Lara Jeans like me. The clumsy one, The insecure one. But it's it obvious of me to be little insecure than yesterday. Cause i surely dont want to state you as, To all the boys I have loved before. The profane is the demon that distorts my tranquility What I propel and what I profane is exactly the opposite. And you exactly know what it is. Nothing to clarify and make you believe. With a relief and the believe that you are not the boys i have loved before The strom in me gets litter calmer than y

What Heart Wants Betimes to say it, but feels right. Might be an impromptu move, but impulsively i get into that cocoon. That's what heart wants The alarming signs, my repressiveness, me brick batting over and again, could not really stop .  Because that's what heart wants. it surely gets into my nerves, when a heed like me has to deal, the shut one eye . that's definitely not, What heart wants. Marshalling the things out, should be the go to move, that's what heart wants. the nudges, to a stress ball like me, the incitement, to cast down like me, a true-blue, to a duplicitous like me, That's what heart wants!! 

The vehemence within me tends to be so high that is can barely control it. Definitely not a thing to be proud of. But the only thing that comes to my mind when i try controlling my emotions is, Will i still be "Nitya" ? The fanatic who gets hell excited after seeing clouds above her head. Do you expect her not to react to something that's so huge to her ? Do you expect her stay calm and composed every single time. It's not just the Nitya but it's even you who can not stay the same every single time. Situation changes and we to react to it accordingly. And everyone's reaction differs , that's how we all are !! That's how adoptive we are and should be too. Man without emotions is a wild beast loosed upon in this world. If i or you don't show up our emotions what's the difference between me and the human made machines ? Am i still supposed to control what i feel like ? Am i still supposed to not cry ? Being strong and not being a vehemence are pol